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How to De-Escalate an Argument with Communication Expert, Leslie Shore

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1:00 – intentional prayer / meditation
4:12 – why are we talking about de-escalation today?
5:30 – people don’t understand the power of their words (trigger words) – the importance of active listening
5:38 – How to QUICKLY de-escalate an argument before it gets going
6:45 – Marie asks how to deal with a person who enjoys using “trigger words” and starting arguments – Leslie says it can tell you a lot about a person and suggests how one might address that situation
10:50 – how do you stay on track when the other person tries to exert control over the conversation? (when someone is being a bully)
13:15 – how many chances might you give a person to get on board with communication before you drop them as a friend?
15:45 – the difference between discussion / debate and argument / fight
17:32 – do you have any quick tips for calming down when dealing with an argument that’s about to start? Leslie shares a helpful story.
21:00 – what about if the person is really committed to being angry and fighting, no matter how effectively you respond? (Leslie covers the parent – adult – child theory on communication and either trying to get or keep control)
23:28 – Leslie talks about the importance and effective use of a “time out”
24:30 – Leslie’s parents were great communicators – she shares some important lessons she learned from them
27:07 – the problem with trying to “win” an argument and what to do about it – hint: Leslie often sees this when couples are divorcing
30:48 – how to handle when one person refuses to play fair
32:27 – Marie shares a story about dealing with a bullying manager – Leslie highlights the importance of questioning / curiosity
35:40 – what if you feel stuck because you really need the job or relationship?
37:24 – “people do not quit jobs, they quit manager.” – Leslie shares a story about a manager who wasn’t aware he was mistreating people
40:00 – Leslie shares a tool that helped the manager communicate more effectively
45:14 – weighing the pros and cons of speaking up or coping with the behavior

Leslie Shore is the author of Listen to Succeed: How to Identify and Overcome Barriers to Effective Listening



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